Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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