Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
