Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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