I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
