We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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