I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
