Texts From Last Night

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  (133): View more from

  YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby

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  (133): YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby http://tfl.nu/m0vf
  Replies (6) Good night (1512) Bad night (441)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

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  (817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs. http://tfl.nu/mr7a
  Replies (3) Good night (1083) Bad night (727)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes

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  (614): If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes http://tfl.nu/ijgu
  Replies (8) Good night (920) Bad night (3207)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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  (443): She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits http://tfl.nu/tlq9
  Replies (54) Good night (4352) Bad night (1210)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend

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  (217): The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend http://tfl.nu/q6fw
  Replies (14) Good night (5251) Bad night (833)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She's got a legit dose of dude going on

  (240): View more from Maryland

  No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

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  (240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (1833)
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  (714): View more from California

  There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?

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  (714): There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed? http://tfl.nu/o0fs
  Replies (11) Good night (721) Bad night (1743)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
  Replies (15) Good night (3750) Bad night (596)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"

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  (678): Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS" http://tfl.nu/1tt6
  Replies (4) Good night (1582) Bad night (643)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  We were fucking at break-dick speeds.

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  (416): We were fucking at break-dick speeds. http://tfl.nu/i1r9
  Replies (15) Good night (1891) Bad night (624)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy 

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  (902): Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy  http://tfl.nu/xdoc
  Replies (1) Good night (954) Bad night (387)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...

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  (204): Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"... http://tfl.nu/0fub
  Replies (5) Good night (1040) Bad night (399)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"

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  (336): Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem" http://tfl.nu/nmt9
  Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (267)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

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  (706): To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid. (1-706): You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man. (706): Touche. http://tfl.nu/xj0m
  Replies (4) Good night (940) Bad night (374)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how you're utilizing your resources

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  (814): Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor (1-814): I like how you're utilizing your resources http://tfl.nu/lq2x
  Replies (0) Good night (375) Bad night (214)

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