we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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