we made out on top of his cat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together