wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...