You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.