Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

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  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4646) Bad night (621)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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  (256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw
  Replies (60) Good night (704) Bad night (4091)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds

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  (206): puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/vlbj
  Replies (36) Good night (858) Bad night (4332)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis

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  (404): Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis http://tfl.nu/8wlo
  Replies (8) Good night (4179) Bad night (688)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i think i recognize dicks better than faces

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  (250): i think i recognize dicks better than faces http://tfl.nu/zcpp
  Replies (56) Good night (3855) Bad night (2954)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Jealous.

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  (417): Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls. (573): Jealous. http://tfl.nu/6b8u
  Replies (9) Good night (3760) Bad night (1691)
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  (925): View more from California

  Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends

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  (925): Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends http://tfl.nu/x0vc
  Replies (17) Good night (4770) Bad night (2208)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.

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  (406): I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead. http://tfl.nu/61nj
  Replies (3) Good night (1570) Bad night (667)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.

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  (541): Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached. http://tfl.nu/gtou
  Replies (3) Good night (1605) Bad night (1050)
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  (925): View more from California

  she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out

  (1-925): View more from California

  this was your mom?

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  (925): she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out (1-925): this was your mom? http://tfl.nu/x3f7
  Replies (4) Good night (1321) Bad night (642)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.

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  (413): Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk. http://tfl.nu/4ore
  Replies (11) Good night (1811) Bad night (522)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  All you need to know is that isn't jizz

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  (206): All you need to know is that isn't jizz http://tfl.nu/nxjk
  Replies (3) Good night (479) Bad night (785)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?

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  (417): So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye? http://tfl.nu/90tu
  Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (318)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!

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  (616): my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES! http://tfl.nu/l6hp
  Replies (5) Good night (524) Bad night (672)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.

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  (301): Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself. http://tfl.nu/vhoa
  Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (270)

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