If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
