Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
