the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
