So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
