Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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