Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
