: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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