a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
