Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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