I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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