I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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