when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
