I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i think my tv is drunk
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
