porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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