is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
