pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i wish my penis had a tongue
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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