So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
