she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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