Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
