Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
