So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize