you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
