My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
