Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
