I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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