I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
