I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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