How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
