I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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