After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
