She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
