Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
