I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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