Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
