Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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