Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
