I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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