he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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