so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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