I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
