Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
