how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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