I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
