I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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