He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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