things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
