they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
