She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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