Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
