i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
