omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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