oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
