Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
