So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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