is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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