im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
