I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
