Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
third nipple confirmed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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