Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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