I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
